A new book is out this month to support single women:? The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After. I endorsed Elizabeth Kantor?s latest book and I wish I had read it when I was younger; it would have saved me some broken hearts!
Kantor offers guidance for the modern single woman through Jane Austen?s works. It is clever and enjoyable. While we might think of Austen?s world as irrelevant to what we now face, Kantor demonstrates that Austen?s approach was, in fact, modern in many respects. Austen?s stories show women managing their own relationships, for instance. She used literary devices to get parents out of the way!
This book helps us weigh the impact of Romantic love in our lives, or in other words, that crazy kind of love that movies and novels rely on for generating high-octane and combustible love stories. It?s the type of love at first sight that can blind us from rational considerations. Kantor, through Austen?s examples, shows women how to pace relationships in a sophisticated and empowered way so that crazy love doesn?t de-rail their happiness.
A lot of Christian women have heard the phrase, ?Guard your heart.? Or even better, ?Find a guy who will guard your heart.? This book teaches women exactly how to guard their hearts. A lot of it is about pacing the speed that you emotionally attach to a guy.
The book introduces the concept of admiration vs. attachment. A guy may admire you greatly and appreciate your time together, but not be in love and ready to choose you above all other women, i.e. attach. This is a very important point worth studying because women can start to attach to a man when he is merely in admiration-mode. This is risky and can lead to major disappointment.
How do we know what pace to go by? Through the man?s words and behavior. It?s a dance. We should strive not to shift into attachment when he has not given us any reason to think he?s on that path. And let?s face it ? guys can be annoying and inconsistent. Therefore, it can take a lot of analysis to determine what his intentions are early in a relationship. He may not even know what he wants yet, which is why it?s important to stay in the present moment and watch him closely. It?s worth the effort and can save us from humiliation.
What is fabulous about this book is that it doesn?t propose that women become false or numb to emotion. Our sensitivity is one of our greatest strengths, and relationships are important enough to manage well.
In fact, this book encourages us to become relationship experts again. While the context is mainly focused on finding a mate, Kantor points out that in the past, people were forced to develop stronger relationship skills early on. Nowadays, we might begin dating and find ourselves starting largely from scratch when it comes to relationships skills.
While our newfound independence has many perks, we could also benefit from flexing our relationship muscles more often in our lives. What?s neat about this is that we don?t have to wait for a guy to come along to get relational. We can practice being a good friend every day.
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